Frowning, fast walking and a strange affinity with urban foxes…
1. You never visit any London landmarks. You’re not even 100% sure where The London Dungeons are.
2. You won’t venture into the tourist hotspots either. But friends and family who don’t live in the Big Smoke will be convinced you’re always hanging around in Leicester Square.
3. You develop an angry commuting face and use it to glare at people who wear backpacks or sneeze near you on the Tube.
4. You begin walking 3 x faster than you did before. And feel uncontrollable rage for people who INSIST ON BEING SLOW.
5. You’ll also be able to navigate the busiest of pavements and the most packed tube carriages without ever touching a fellow Londoner.
6. You’ll be really good at avoiding awkwardness. The man falling asleep on your shoulder, that woman who just accidentally sat on someone else’s lap, that drunk guy shouting at you? It’s as if you didn’t notice.
7. You start to kind of enjoy being able to hear other people through your flat’s paper thin walls. There’s something weirdly comforting about being surrounded by so many other humans.
8. You whole heartedly believe that you can get anywhere in London within 30 minutes. This isn’t true and therefore you’ll be late quite a lot.
9. When you blow your nose what comes out is sometimes black. This worries you.
10. You are shocked when people start talking to each other on public transport. You’re not sure why, it’s just not what’s supposed to happen.
11. You get fashion inspiration from your commute rather than magazines. If only it was acceptable to ask where she got that dress from, eh?
12. There’s no such thing as a school night anymore. Monday is the new Thursday, which is the new Friday.
13. The end of your night will always be governed by the last tube.
14. You always feel poor. In fact, you’ll swear you had more disposable income as a 15-year-old with a minimum wage Saturday job. And you might just be right.
15. One day you’ll get off the Tube at a random stop and realise how two parts of London fit together. It’s like a giant, awesome puzzle.
16. You won’t spend every night drinking cocktails on a roof terrace, because that’s crazy and because of Netflix. But you’re safe in the knowledge that you could be doing that if you wanted to.
17. Fellow Londoners will think you’re forever away if you live further out than zone 3. Or if you’re south of the river and they’re north. And you thought it was all the same city…
18. You spend more time than you thought you would around trees. Hampstead Heath, Hyde Park, Kew Gardens… London sure is green.
19. You feel a a strange affinity with urban foxes. Those scruffy little ginger furballs call this city home too.
20. You’ll consider moving to the country more than you thought you would.
21. But will always conclude that you’d feel lost outside the M25.